No Escape
by LineApe
Summary: No matter where he went, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get away.


No Escape

* * *

He carefully crept into the great hall. Just a quick meal and that's it! No talking, no inane chatter, and most definatly no more hair care tips! Its fine dammit!

He quickly scanned the room to see if the **moron** was there. No. Good. As he walked to the table, he took points from a pair of stupid Hufflepuff for trying to sneak a kiss during breakfast. Probably still basking in the post-coitus glow. Why Pomona does nothing to reign in such disgusting behavior...

Sneaking into his chair he let out a sigh. The **moron** is nowhere in sight, and I can enjoy my meal in peace! Not to tempt the fates, he snagged a few pieces of toast, and within moments he was ready to leave the table. Shit! Too late.

"Severus! What a fine morning it is! It reminds me of that time I was backpacking through western Europe..." he said, dropping onto the seat next to clearly irritated man, "Have I told you this story old chap? There was this stunning young women... Oh wow Severus, you should really let me help you with my hair. I have this amazing potion that will clean out all that grease..."

As the pompous fool droned on about subject after subject, the resident potions master lowered his head to his arm and let out a loud groan. This is the **moron** the headmaster chooses to teach defense! I could teach that class in my sleep better than he could on his best day! Why must he be so irritating! For Merlin's sake, even _Potter_ thinks he's a **moron**!

Having enough, Snape stood and made to leave.

"Oh, one more thing Severus, would you help me find my room again, I seem to have misplaced it!"

With a look of pure disgust, he turned and practically ran from the great hall.

* * *

Today will be a better day, I can feel it. Twenty minutes early should give me plenty of time to eat and leave before that **moron** gets here.

He rushed into the empty room. He sat next to the headmaster's seat, and started eating right away. After a minute of eating at a rather weasleyesk pace, he heard the door open. He snapped his eyes to the sound and let out a sigh of release. Only the headmaster. Not that **moron**.

The headmaster made his way to his seat and greeted Severus warmly.

"Fine day Severus."

"Yes Albus, its very nice."

"I was hoping to talk to you about your recent loss of potions ingredients."

"It was Potter, Albus! That arrogant idiot-child is always up to something!"

During his heated discussion with the headmaster, he failed to notice that the seat next to his was filled. Trapping him in.

"Severus, I must remind you that young Harry is not James..."

At that moment a voice chipped in, "Quite right Albus! James was a fine man, but so is Harry in his own right! A little shy, but with a little prodding I'm sure he will become a great Wizard. I've already started to try and mold him in my own image. He seems a bit reluctant at the moment, but I'm sure there will be two of me in these halls before long!"

What is worse? Potter and Lockhart, or two of the **moron**? By Merlin both are so terrible!

"And Severus, you really should let me do something with your hair..."

If I have to deal with him much longer I might just pull my hair right out! _Fuck his potion, you dont need to wash a bare scalp!_

* * *

Every day he did the dance and tried to escape. Some days he was swift and could outrun the **moron**, others he tripped and was forced to endure another moment in his presence.

Having enough one cool winter night, Severus decided to take a night off from the world. He sped through the halls to the kitchens, hoping for just one moron free meal.

As he entered he was shocked into silence at the horrifying sight.

"Ah! Severus! Looks at this wonderful room I discovered! Come, sit! We can discuss trivial things, and perhaps I can persuade you to let me do something with that hair."

He did the only thing he could do: He ran, and he screamed.

* * *

AN: I think the only person Severus hates more than Harry, is Lockhart.


End file.
